I can’t count the number of people I’ve met, including myself, stuck in lives they despise, tethered to partners who bring them nothing but pain. I lived that reality for 15 long years. While for others, leaving might be a no-brainer, for me, it was a daily struggle, a battle fought every waking moment.

I blamed my partner for my misery, hoping someone, anyone, would swoop in and save me from this living nightmare. I was so hollow that I thought maybe the sympathy I got from others could somehow get me through the day. A friend and I shared a routine – a daily call where we played the victim, drowning in self-pity and mutual support.

It’s astonishing how many people I know, in relationships for decades, are still stuck in this loop. Trying every trick in the book to get along with the narcissist they’re with. Waking up each day with renewed hope to implement a new strategy or just giving up altogether, going through the motions.

Social media bombards us with videos preaching one message – validate the victims of abuse. It’s crucial, no doubt, to recognize when you’re a victim of abuse. But there’s a dark side to it – staying in that victim mentality becomes the real culprit behind why people remain unhappily married, taking on the role of a martyr all their lives.

There’s a function to every behavior. And remaining in victim mentality is a way to align with an identity. If you see yourself as the victim, you’re going to act like one. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and your ego loves it. Your sense of self gets reinforced, and you feel empowered in your misery.

I reached the lowest point, and feeling desperate, I took a drastic step. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was sick of being the strong one, sick of tolerating disrespect, sick of being unhappy and walking on eggshells in my own home. I felt trapped with nowhere to turn. All the trauma I had suppressed for decades surfaced, and in that desperate moment, I took some pills.

In the ambulance, the paramedics asked what happened. I answered in desperation, “It’s my situation,” hoping for understanding and sympathy.  Instead, I got a reality check – an irritated voice responded back, “So get out of your situation.” It stung, but that truth set me free. From that day forward, I was never the same. It marked the beginning of a new chapter, a journey towards reclaiming my life.

Taking the first step to prioritize yourself might feel like a big task. Transformation is a gradual process, so begin with small steps, be mindful of your thoughts, and tune into your breath. This brings you into the present moment, a space of tranquility and clear thinking.

If you require further guidance, book your Confusion to Clarity call. 

While taking that first step may seem overwhelming – always remember, there’s no need to see the entire staircase; let the journey unfold at its own pace.